Received via E-mail:
My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.
I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then.
Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn ten. If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless nasty person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me.
I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its poo in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank You,
Billy "Smiley" Evans
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
pinched survey
How tall are you? 6 foot on the money.
Do you own a gun? i'd like to. my self (and wife's) protection constists of a hammer and a shoe.
Rehab? i wish.
Have you ever killed an animal? when i was a child my friend and i hit a bird with a rock, and had to finish the job. i went home and cried.
Are you Irish? very much indeed.
What do you think of hot dogs? hamburgers.
What's your favorite Christmas song? it's by paul mccartney, but i don't recall the title.
What is your favorite smell? bath and body works eucalyptus spearmint. holy crap!
What do you prefer to drink in the morning? o.j.
Do you do pushups? with one hand.
Have you ever done ecstasy? i wish.
Have you been shot? i did a high school project on paintball once, and got shot a few hundred times. i bled and lost sleep for days.
Have you ever been hospitalized? 7 years old. dog bite to the face. 60 stitches.
Do you like painkillers? only with red wine.
whats your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? i just get super wasted and do tom petty kareoke.
Do you own a knife? um, ya. i own a knife. next question.
Do you have ADD? i absolutely must. there is no other explanation.
Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? yes, and i also enjoy sticking hooks through the skin on my back and hanging from the ceiling.
Name five drinks you have regularly: black coffee, aquafina, diet coke w/ lime, newcastle, white russian/colorado bulldog.
What's in your CD player? (computer) pavement - crooked rain, crooked rain, and frank black - frank black. (car) new ben folds.
What's under your bed? amber's hot ass underwear.
What time did you wake up today? about 9.
Current haircut? the "hi, um can you do that thing with the razor blade again".
What are you wearing? wow, white converse, classic relaxed boot cut 55o, matt maust two sided t-shirt.
Current worry? that my wife and friends are getting shitty w/out me cause i'm going home to bed cause i have mono.
Current love? band of brothers on dvd, i also just re-discovered the monte-cristo sandwich.
Current hate? talking about music with people.
Favorite place to be? um it's naughty, but other than that it's on stage.
Least favorite place? anywhere that entails waiting. i've been such a bitch lately.
If you could play an instrument? hammered dulcimer.
Favorite colors? blue and brown, hands down. i'm a kick ass rhymer. is that a word?
One person from the past you wish you could be with? well, like intimately? that'd have to be norma jean baker. otherwise walt disney.
Where would you like to go? tokyo
Where do you want to live? 1. london 2. the northwest 3. the bayou
Favorite food? cool answer: sushi. real answer: fried ice cream
Color of most clothes you own? black, although blue's a threat.
Number of pillows you sleep with? well it depends what i can call a pillow. one.
What were you doing at 12AM last night? trying to put down "east of eden".
What do you think you will be doing in ten years? designing innovative and unique homes, living not in california, and traveling with my wife and our four-six chilluns.
Are you paranoid? only when i quit smoking.
Do you burn or tan? tan, unless i'm snorkling for seven hours staight.
First piercing/tattoo? untouched. i can't think that i want one bad enough, maybe my ring finger.
Last person you yelled at? some douche bag in a car who drove for shit.
Latest crush? the indian babe in "bend it like beckham".
Last thing you ate? rice
If you could be a pirate, would you? if you say no your empty.
What songs do you sing in the shower? lately, whatever freak ass don henley song was in my dream.
What's in your pockets right now? hall's, some change, and some keys. exhilarating!
What color are your bedroom walls? kind of a mustard yellow. it's quite nice really.
Last thing that made you laugh? Nate calling LAX the devil's ass hole.
Best bed sheets you had as a child? the space shuttle control panel ones. man i just got sad.
Pets? Trailer, the best most retarded golden ever! but one day amber and i will have two blood hounds, blue and copper.
Have you ever won any awards? a spelling bee in fourth grade. h-a-b-a-n-e-r-o.
How many T.V.s do you have in your house? one, but i have four in my car. not really.
Who do you tell your dreams to? amber... and the little white troll that shows up every morning around three and tickles my chest.
If you could make out with one person who would it be? the indian babe in "bend it like beckham".
What do you think of the person who posted this before you? lindsay, she's a barrel of laughs! and she spikes a damn good dry diet coke...
Do you own a gun? i'd like to. my self (and wife's) protection constists of a hammer and a shoe.
Rehab? i wish.
Have you ever killed an animal? when i was a child my friend and i hit a bird with a rock, and had to finish the job. i went home and cried.
Are you Irish? very much indeed.
What do you think of hot dogs? hamburgers.
What's your favorite Christmas song? it's by paul mccartney, but i don't recall the title.
What is your favorite smell? bath and body works eucalyptus spearmint. holy crap!
What do you prefer to drink in the morning? o.j.
Do you do pushups? with one hand.
Have you ever done ecstasy? i wish.
Have you been shot? i did a high school project on paintball once, and got shot a few hundred times. i bled and lost sleep for days.
Have you ever been hospitalized? 7 years old. dog bite to the face. 60 stitches.
Do you like painkillers? only with red wine.
whats your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? i just get super wasted and do tom petty kareoke.
Do you own a knife? um, ya. i own a knife. next question.
Do you have ADD? i absolutely must. there is no other explanation.
Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? yes, and i also enjoy sticking hooks through the skin on my back and hanging from the ceiling.
Name five drinks you have regularly: black coffee, aquafina, diet coke w/ lime, newcastle, white russian/colorado bulldog.
What's in your CD player? (computer) pavement - crooked rain, crooked rain, and frank black - frank black. (car) new ben folds.
What's under your bed? amber's hot ass underwear.
What time did you wake up today? about 9.
Current haircut? the "hi, um can you do that thing with the razor blade again".
What are you wearing? wow, white converse, classic relaxed boot cut 55o, matt maust two sided t-shirt.
Current worry? that my wife and friends are getting shitty w/out me cause i'm going home to bed cause i have mono.
Current love? band of brothers on dvd, i also just re-discovered the monte-cristo sandwich.
Current hate? talking about music with people.
Favorite place to be? um it's naughty, but other than that it's on stage.
Least favorite place? anywhere that entails waiting. i've been such a bitch lately.
If you could play an instrument? hammered dulcimer.
Favorite colors? blue and brown, hands down. i'm a kick ass rhymer. is that a word?
One person from the past you wish you could be with? well, like intimately? that'd have to be norma jean baker. otherwise walt disney.
Where would you like to go? tokyo
Where do you want to live? 1. london 2. the northwest 3. the bayou
Favorite food? cool answer: sushi. real answer: fried ice cream
Color of most clothes you own? black, although blue's a threat.
Number of pillows you sleep with? well it depends what i can call a pillow. one.
What were you doing at 12AM last night? trying to put down "east of eden".
What do you think you will be doing in ten years? designing innovative and unique homes, living not in california, and traveling with my wife and our four-six chilluns.
Are you paranoid? only when i quit smoking.
Do you burn or tan? tan, unless i'm snorkling for seven hours staight.
First piercing/tattoo? untouched. i can't think that i want one bad enough, maybe my ring finger.
Last person you yelled at? some douche bag in a car who drove for shit.
Latest crush? the indian babe in "bend it like beckham".
Last thing you ate? rice
If you could be a pirate, would you? if you say no your empty.
What songs do you sing in the shower? lately, whatever freak ass don henley song was in my dream.
What's in your pockets right now? hall's, some change, and some keys. exhilarating!
What color are your bedroom walls? kind of a mustard yellow. it's quite nice really.
Last thing that made you laugh? Nate calling LAX the devil's ass hole.
Best bed sheets you had as a child? the space shuttle control panel ones. man i just got sad.
Pets? Trailer, the best most retarded golden ever! but one day amber and i will have two blood hounds, blue and copper.
Have you ever won any awards? a spelling bee in fourth grade. h-a-b-a-n-e-r-o.
How many T.V.s do you have in your house? one, but i have four in my car. not really.
Who do you tell your dreams to? amber... and the little white troll that shows up every morning around three and tickles my chest.
If you could make out with one person who would it be? the indian babe in "bend it like beckham".
What do you think of the person who posted this before you? lindsay, she's a barrel of laughs! and she spikes a damn good dry diet coke...
Thursday, July 14, 2005
hollywood
we played a show in hollywood last night and had such an amazing time with friends. sometimes i think that living away from so many friends will sooner or later take it's toll, resulting in less frequent visits or something to that extent. everyone has a life, and a relatively busy one at that, and yet they manage to place time aside and be together. i'm always amazed, and reminded of the blessing of valid friendship that i recieve. that alone is one sizable orange in the bowl of happiness. so the show went well, the sound went well, at least on stage. we were pleased for the most part. i'm having a hard time reading people's reactions to the new material. the word is that they enjoy it but... i guess there's never enough enthusiasm when one is on the receiving end, right?
down other avenues... my life is made up of things to look forward to. not sure if thats healthy or not, nevertheless thats how it's been for some time now and that approach remains steady. so a few major items on my list are as follows:
-road trip to san luis obisbo tomorrow, for a wedding. i'm especially excited that it's just amber and i on the drive there and back, windows down, music, ice cream, polaroids, and love.
-some dates still pending to see friends. one trip to see huntington's and riverside's. another trip to stay with the colour boys before they tour again.
-july 24, amber and myself will celebrate our one year aniversary. we've narrowed it down to two possible outings; san diego, wild animal park, and an ipod, or anaheim hilton, disneyland, and an ipod.
down other avenues... my life is made up of things to look forward to. not sure if thats healthy or not, nevertheless thats how it's been for some time now and that approach remains steady. so a few major items on my list are as follows:
-road trip to san luis obisbo tomorrow, for a wedding. i'm especially excited that it's just amber and i on the drive there and back, windows down, music, ice cream, polaroids, and love.
-some dates still pending to see friends. one trip to see huntington's and riverside's. another trip to stay with the colour boys before they tour again.
-july 24, amber and myself will celebrate our one year aniversary. we've narrowed it down to two possible outings; san diego, wild animal park, and an ipod, or anaheim hilton, disneyland, and an ipod.
Friday, July 08, 2005
i'll be frank
aahhh. it's a new day. i was thee worlds largest bitch yestarday. maybe i'm paranormally attached to london on some level. but it feels good to start afresh this morning. i'm in the office today, by myself, which is lovely. coffee, a bit o coltrane, and the world wide web, or the last battle. i'll swap as the day goes on. the weather's incredible. my clothes are clean and pressed. for the most part i'm good. however there is one thing hanging over my ever erratic brain... my spirit. my soul. from where does my joy come? right now i can't say that i know. my wife? she fills a void that only she can fill. but i'm not of a single void. music? playing is a delight, most of the time, but listening to it? i don't know what i care for anymore. friends? like guy friends or "best" friends. there are a lot of phone numbers in my phone book, but who can i really talk to these days? and the next, or the last, empty space that i carry, the big one, the you know who, is my chief dilema. thats where i desire to put good amounts of deprived and neglected energy. since christmas i've been like a distant relative of jesus'. i don't know who he is, or what he is, or if he is. is that where i'm from? or why i'm here, or my purpose? the answers to those questions would bring me joy, i'm sure of it. here i am, raised in a church since birth, learning the stories, singing the songs, acting the part, and i'm clueless. one day something just might happen. i'll have faith in something, and i'll have joy.
Friday, July 01, 2005
yay, yay oh my god yay!!!
i'm all excited because i'm at work trying to think of fun places to go online and i remembered our blog. while i was looking at it i remembered that amber wanted me to write on it and i got all excited thinking about writing on it. so i last wrote here when i had that terrible hair going on. why didn't anyone tell me i looked like such an ass? remarkable! so lets see, i want to catch up here, even if no-one reads it these days. hmm, two of my best friends went to europe together and i got mono. just joking, i'll do a real one...in chronological order:
-i cut my hair, which you've seen.
-put ann lynn on myspace (leading to the downfall).
-man it's hard to remember even a couple months back.
-went on a cruise in april and got super fat on amazing food.
-started the chronicles of narnia
-re-discovered and you will know us by the trail of dead.
-played a couple shows and wrote a couple songs.
-took a walk around the neighborhood with amber.
-camped on catalina, got super drunk, went buffulo hunting at 2 a.m. with brandon and josh and a few asian guys that smoked the best asian cigarettes.
-got sick when i got home.
-developed bronchial symptoms and swelling of the lymph nodes.
-also got a subconjunctival hemorrhage
-went to sacramento to witness the uniting of tim and shauna, then went to redding for the first time in a year and a half, still sick. drank some homeopathic jug of kambutcha tea.
-got amber a backpack and a harmonica for her birthday, now she goes everywhere with them.
-house sat the macmasters palace.
-came up with a great book idea, should be available via amazon by christmas.
-sweated pints in my sleep.
-ate nothing for a week, then began vomiting.
-got blood taken at big bear hospital (big mistake).
-got blood taken again because they didn't get enough the first time.
-found out i had mononucleosis from the blood scan, which upset me however i did lose fifteen pounds due to that little epstein-barr bastard virus.
-read all but the last battle
i think that pretty much brings us up to date. oh, i also kind of quit my job, to help my parents through the year. they pay me better. i say kind of because i still go draw plans to help eddie now and then. a pretty upright deal. i still have a sore throat but i'm taking a gargantuan amout of vitamins these days so we'll see. well i hope someone stumbles upon my thoughts here. i hope everyone is well. i'm going to blog more. it's soothing, i forgot how soothing it can be.
-i cut my hair, which you've seen.
-put ann lynn on myspace (leading to the downfall).
-man it's hard to remember even a couple months back.
-went on a cruise in april and got super fat on amazing food.
-started the chronicles of narnia
-re-discovered and you will know us by the trail of dead.
-played a couple shows and wrote a couple songs.
-took a walk around the neighborhood with amber.
-camped on catalina, got super drunk, went buffulo hunting at 2 a.m. with brandon and josh and a few asian guys that smoked the best asian cigarettes.
-got sick when i got home.
-developed bronchial symptoms and swelling of the lymph nodes.
-also got a subconjunctival hemorrhage
-went to sacramento to witness the uniting of tim and shauna, then went to redding for the first time in a year and a half, still sick. drank some homeopathic jug of kambutcha tea.
-got amber a backpack and a harmonica for her birthday, now she goes everywhere with them.
-house sat the macmasters palace.
-came up with a great book idea, should be available via amazon by christmas.
-sweated pints in my sleep.
-ate nothing for a week, then began vomiting.
-got blood taken at big bear hospital (big mistake).
-got blood taken again because they didn't get enough the first time.
-found out i had mononucleosis from the blood scan, which upset me however i did lose fifteen pounds due to that little epstein-barr bastard virus.
-read all but the last battle
i think that pretty much brings us up to date. oh, i also kind of quit my job, to help my parents through the year. they pay me better. i say kind of because i still go draw plans to help eddie now and then. a pretty upright deal. i still have a sore throat but i'm taking a gargantuan amout of vitamins these days so we'll see. well i hope someone stumbles upon my thoughts here. i hope everyone is well. i'm going to blog more. it's soothing, i forgot how soothing it can be.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
so i'm glad we're blogging again. i like you guys. i don't have much to say. the boys are practicing right now. they are writing a lot of new stuff. it's been inspiring for me. for some reason it's reminded me of things that i love to do, things i stopped doing.
rosie and suzanne were up this past week. it was so so good for the three of us to be together again. and it was really hard for me when they left. i miss them.
i picked up "goblet of fire" brand new in hardback for $2 at a garage sale and rosie picked up the most bitchin bike. i think it is a kid's bike, which is perfect for rosie because she is small. plus she is afraid of falling so it's good for her to be low to the ground.
well that's all i got. if any of you haven't seen it, rent "a love song for bobby long".-a
p.s. i couldn't figure out how to post a comment on talbot's blog, but i wanted to tell you that the black and white picture of you and ewan on the beach is amazing. it reminds me of "endless summer".
rosie and suzanne were up this past week. it was so so good for the three of us to be together again. and it was really hard for me when they left. i miss them.
i picked up "goblet of fire" brand new in hardback for $2 at a garage sale and rosie picked up the most bitchin bike. i think it is a kid's bike, which is perfect for rosie because she is small. plus she is afraid of falling so it's good for her to be low to the ground.
well that's all i got. if any of you haven't seen it, rent "a love song for bobby long".-a
p.s. i couldn't figure out how to post a comment on talbot's blog, but i wanted to tell you that the black and white picture of you and ewan on the beach is amazing. it reminds me of "endless summer".
Thursday, April 28, 2005
my space blows
nobody blogs anymore. i miss hearing about my friends. i don't like my space. everyone looks like weirdos. let's all blog again. i'll get it started. let's see...i'm watching "ray" right now. i like this movie. i just ate a tasty meatball and mozzarella hot pocket. i've become a runner. a real one. i get up at 5:45 and go running. pretty soon i'll be fit as a fiddle and sports illustrated will be beating the door down. but my hot runners bod is for matt's enjoyment only. matt won't run with me. he's a bum. matt and josh have leprosy. i feel bad for them. i'm going to las vegas this weekend to visit rosie and sell some lotion and salt scrub. viva! when i get back the pool family is going on a cruise to mexico. it will be fun but sad for matt and josh because of their leprosy. they'll have to stay in the arcade while andrea lay next to the pool and drink tequilla sunrise.
ok, that's all i got. now it's your turn.
ok, that's all i got. now it's your turn.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
gone tomorrow
it makes the wife happy and it really needed to be done. so who still blogs? we've been slacking. the latest: amber and i are very well, my boss took a week to ski in wyoming, so i had some time off, josh, paul and i are busy with the music, and thats about it.
go check it out if you will.
go check it out if you will.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
Calling all Talking Heads fans
David Byrne from the Talking Heads will be presenting his latest art project, "I (love) Power Point!", at UC Irvine. It sounds really interesting. It is on March 10th from 7:30-9:00 and it is free. It will be in the Humanities Intructional Building, Room 100. For more information check out the UCI website or call me. To print up a map of the campus go to http://uci.edu/campusmap. If anyone wants to go, let me know! -a
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
annlynn music space
i have new inspiration. josh and i re-established the annlynn music project after two years of crying about it, and it's very uplifting. click on the poorly lit photo for others, and check out my-space soon. i know i said my-space, on blogger. send me to hell.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Monday, January 31, 2005
tom petty cover band
who wants in?
just joking. but seriously.
vocals-
rythm guitar 1-
rythm guitar 2-
lead-
sitar-
keys-
bass-
drums-
black woman-
dancing midget 1-
dancing midget 2-
must be willing to travel short distances, drink lots of beer, be not attractive, and kick huge amounts of ass!
just joking. but seriously.
vocals-
rythm guitar 1-
rythm guitar 2-
lead-
sitar-
keys-
bass-
drums-
black woman-
dancing midget 1-
dancing midget 2-
must be willing to travel short distances, drink lots of beer, be not attractive, and kick huge amounts of ass!
Friday, January 28, 2005
i'm losing it
matt and i finished the last episode of Smallville season 3 last night, and it has put me in a state. season 3 has been pure intensity and the final episode left us at the edge of a gigantic chasm. things happend that we never thought possible. some of our biggest fears were realized. we were distraught, naturally, and frantically paced the room muttering, "what is going on? what is going to happen to our beloved friends in Smallville, Kansas? we need some explainations, some answers!". so we made a call to tim, a fellow Smallville fan who has been watching season 4. he didn't answer his phone. we sat at our table, racking our brains. "is there anyone else we can call?....no, there isn't anybody...we're alone." we stayed up a little while longer, hoping tim would call back, but finally fell into a restless sleep.
but today the clouds have parted. i'm subbing at the high school right now. during my last period i looked around the classroom, and a thought occured to me....Smallville is a WB show....high school kids watch WB shows....i will make them give me answers! so i cleared my throat and said, "may i have your attention for a moment please. i need to know if anyone in this room watches the television show Smallville?" (i asked this with great authority) hands went up! "thank-you. i need to see you students at the front of the class please." i heard muttering as the students came up, "what about the o.c.? what about summerland?". i ignored their mutterings. i can't be bothered with such shows, Smallville is it. it is "the one".
so i asked my blessed angels a few questions. i decided not to let them tell me too many important details; i intend on watching season 4 myself. but i found out what i needed to put my mind at ease. so thank-you my angels, wherever you are. many treasures await you in heaven (or krypton).-a
but today the clouds have parted. i'm subbing at the high school right now. during my last period i looked around the classroom, and a thought occured to me....Smallville is a WB show....high school kids watch WB shows....i will make them give me answers! so i cleared my throat and said, "may i have your attention for a moment please. i need to know if anyone in this room watches the television show Smallville?" (i asked this with great authority) hands went up! "thank-you. i need to see you students at the front of the class please." i heard muttering as the students came up, "what about the o.c.? what about summerland?". i ignored their mutterings. i can't be bothered with such shows, Smallville is it. it is "the one".
so i asked my blessed angels a few questions. i decided not to let them tell me too many important details; i intend on watching season 4 myself. but i found out what i needed to put my mind at ease. so thank-you my angels, wherever you are. many treasures await you in heaven (or krypton).-a
Thursday, January 27, 2005
me in honey
i guess it finally happened. i've been listening to alot of r.e.m. lately, hold the laughter. it's been a little painful because of my long time ignorance. though i don't care much for mr. stipe, i'm still coming around, starting with "out of time" and "monster", thank you wife. any other suggestions (this is where josh talbot names off like 30 albums, because i must say, i hear tons of talbots influence with them), or questions? comments?
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